DISCLAIMER

As per the suggestion (er... demand) of the U.S Fulbright Program I must now say:

This blog is not an official Fulbright Program blog. The views expressed in this blog are purely from the who-knows-where storage of my brain, and are NOT those of the Fulbright Program, the U.S. Department of State or any of its partner organizations. I'll post this in the 'about me' as well... but thought I'd put it out there for all to see. Just in case you thought I was a Fulbright Spy or something...

Lots of love,
Mere

Purgatory

Hey Friends,

You will probably find out during the course of this blog (should you continue to follow) that I am EXCEPTIONALLY good at procrastinating…usually in the form of sitting and pondering life. Lucky for me, and not so lucky for my packing, blogging is a new form of productive procrastination and an outlet for this life ponderings. Yessss.

I have intentionally piled my to-do lists and all the junk that needs to find a place in my luggage on top of my computer so as to avoid said procrastination, but in the course of my cleaning today I have come across far to many bloggable thoughts to be productive… so here I go!

I’m not sure at what point I can officially say I’ve started a new chapter in my life, but I think it’s at least safe to say it’s hovering about right now.

I just graduated, I had a summer of reliving my youth as a camp counselor and now I am moving to Flensburg, Germany in 3 days. If Germany is the new chapter of my life, then I suppose summer is the epilogue of my old, and maybe even the prologue of my new life, and this very moment of being in St. Louis is kind of like purgatory—a purgatory of packing.

This is a very strange transition phase of throwing out things from my past, gathering things for my future and deciding what from in between gets to stay.  I’m literally talking about packing up all the crap I accumulated in college, throwing out the trash, and buying new clothes…but this transition phase absolutely applies to my personal life as well.  Right now is when I start to decide what from my past am I keeping, what am I throwing out, and what do I need for my future?

What personality traits, experiences and memories of my past are the things I want to bring with me? Are there things I want to “get rid of”? Who am I right now that gets to move forward, and at the same time, who do I want to become?

Before I delve into these deep thoughts, I would like to laugh with you with a stroll down memory lane with my journal from 4^th grade. It surely provide some insight (and comic relief) as to “who I am”.  If only you could see the rainbow pen I wrote with…

Sunday July 19, 1998—my first foray into journaling and an introduction to what I love… (I was 11 years old)

            “I love writing in this journal but I loooove Richard Rames more. Oh how I miss him and I want to marry him someday. I want to be married and have 2-4 children and raise them very well. Richard would be a great dad.  It is thunderstorming out. Weird. Its still sunny. I hate Sundays, they are hot and boring and sweltering with reflection. They make me just sit and think, but it too hot to think today. Back to the subject, more things I love: Richard, Richard and Richard. I want to go play soccer with him when I get home and I will go to church everyday to visit him”.

Good. Great. Very insightful.  Did you learn something? I certainly did. By the way, Richard and I never quite hit it off. 4^th grade just had too much to offer for me to be tied down to a boy… and I think he thought I had cooties.

I had originally planned on adding a few comical entries from my 7^th and 8^th grade journals too, but it’s just not as funny without my colorful color coated handwriting and doodles on the side.

The moral of these journals is this: I like to journal and have been pondering life for the sake of pondering since I was, well, in 4^th grade I suppose.

So what I am I ditching from my past life? The rainbow pen, that’s for sure… and the tendency to get lost in my own thoughts for hours. Instead of journaling or blogging about my thoughts or what I WANT to do, I’m just going to DO things, and then comment on my activities…not just my thoughts about doing things. I think this will be easier to do when I have more going on in my life than just folding and placing clothes in a must-be-less-than-50-lb-bag.

On that same note though, I am going to take with my propensity to document. While it will be a switch from life thoughts, to life activities.  You, my dear blogging audience (if you’re still here) must hold me to this. From hence forth my blogging will be filled with life and substance. Let’s shake on it.

Eye contact, firm grip, head nod…great talk. See you out there.

New York City

Hey Friends,

So I’m not in Flensburg yet. Sorry, still 8 days to go and miles to go before I sleep. Instead I am here in the Baltimore International Airport on hour 6 of my layover (and by layover, I mean waiting for my stand-by flight that I’m only on because my original departure time of 7:25am was moved to 10:20, causing me to miss my connection in Baltimore from NYC to STL) with some time to kill. I already ate more than what should be legally allowed of Auntie Anne’s pretzels and figured that practicing my blogging skills would be a much better use of my time than another cinnamon swirl treat.   

Speaking of practice, I feel like my whole trip to New York City was a practice run of what I will be doing in Flensburg. Kinda. If you squint your eyes…

What I mean is when I was in New York…even though I don’t FEEL like a tourist, I pretty much was. I had to pretend I knew what I was doing on the subway, when in reality a lost puppy and I would have been kindred spirits. I kept my head down and walked fast (sign of a true New Yorker, right?) and hailed cabs like a champ, but all the while I was keeping my eyes and ears particularly open to all of the verrrrry diverse voices around me. I mean, I HAD to keep my eyes and ears open to see just what I needed to do to blend in, know where I was going and be considered anything BUT a tourist.

This blending required transformation on my part into a sponge—a sponge whose dried structure is based on the assumptions of a nice, sweet, unassuming Midwesterner, (whatever those assumptions and life experiences may be). Then, I had to absorb the surroundings and people of NYC and add that to my structure so that I could become alive with whatever I was soaking in. In the processes, I never really lose my structure or my way of viewing what I’m doing, but I become a vessel of NYC  and myself to wherever I go. I have to do that in Flensburg next year too. Wait, next year? I mean next week. Eeek.

Anyway, before I can go and absorb the culture of Flensburg to become a real-life Flensburgian, I feel like I need to state my assumptions. What am I basing my observations of their culture on?  Am I simply observing? Or am I at heart comparing things back to my only known structure… Probably, but I guess I won’t know until I get there. It also made me think: What is “my culture”? On what experiences and beliefs am I making my assumptions? I am looking forward to getting an even BETTER picture of American culture by being a part of another culture. It’ll be cool to say the least. I’ll keep you posted on my findings.  Obviously.

I have plenty more “bloggable thoughts” concerning culture, my “assumptions” and my goals, but I’ve gotta keep you all reading so consider this a cliff-hanger.  That, and I think my now 7.5 hour layover may be approaching an end. Pray for me…

My faith in things unseen and my belief that it will all work out, may seem like a strange cup of tea, but if it's alright with you then its alright by me,

Mere

Journey's first steps

Hi Mom! Or anyone curious enough, loving enough, or bored enough to check in on my adventures abroad...This is my first blog post ever, and as such I will keep it short and to the point.

This blog will track my general cultural findings, my random life musing, and the direction of my research as I spend the next 9 months as a Fulbright Teaching Assistant in northern Germany. If you're actually interested in perceptions of wellness and attitudes towards aging, well... thanks... I hope that my research provides you with some sort of insight. As for you, Mom and friends, thanks for pretending and I hope this one-sided conversation is filled with  personality and idiosyncrasies that make it feel like I'm still hanging out wherever you are.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and for me that step is to the living room to keep packing. Wish me luck.

My faith in things unseen and my belief that it will all work out may seem like a strange cup of tea, but if it's alright with you, then its alright with me.

Mere