Purgatory

Hey Friends,

You will probably find out during the course of this blog (should you continue to follow) that I am EXCEPTIONALLY good at procrastinating…usually in the form of sitting and pondering life. Lucky for me, and not so lucky for my packing, blogging is a new form of productive procrastination and an outlet for this life ponderings. Yessss.

I have intentionally piled my to-do lists and all the junk that needs to find a place in my luggage on top of my computer so as to avoid said procrastination, but in the course of my cleaning today I have come across far to many bloggable thoughts to be productive… so here I go!

I’m not sure at what point I can officially say I’ve started a new chapter in my life, but I think it’s at least safe to say it’s hovering about right now.

I just graduated, I had a summer of reliving my youth as a camp counselor and now I am moving to Flensburg, Germany in 3 days. If Germany is the new chapter of my life, then I suppose summer is the epilogue of my old, and maybe even the prologue of my new life, and this very moment of being in St. Louis is kind of like purgatory—a purgatory of packing.

This is a very strange transition phase of throwing out things from my past, gathering things for my future and deciding what from in between gets to stay.  I’m literally talking about packing up all the crap I accumulated in college, throwing out the trash, and buying new clothes…but this transition phase absolutely applies to my personal life as well.  Right now is when I start to decide what from my past am I keeping, what am I throwing out, and what do I need for my future?

What personality traits, experiences and memories of my past are the things I want to bring with me? Are there things I want to “get rid of”? Who am I right now that gets to move forward, and at the same time, who do I want to become?

Before I delve into these deep thoughts, I would like to laugh with you with a stroll down memory lane with my journal from 4^th grade. It surely provide some insight (and comic relief) as to “who I am”.  If only you could see the rainbow pen I wrote with…

Sunday July 19, 1998—my first foray into journaling and an introduction to what I love… (I was 11 years old)

            “I love writing in this journal but I loooove Richard Rames more. Oh how I miss him and I want to marry him someday. I want to be married and have 2-4 children and raise them very well. Richard would be a great dad.  It is thunderstorming out. Weird. Its still sunny. I hate Sundays, they are hot and boring and sweltering with reflection. They make me just sit and think, but it too hot to think today. Back to the subject, more things I love: Richard, Richard and Richard. I want to go play soccer with him when I get home and I will go to church everyday to visit him”.

Good. Great. Very insightful.  Did you learn something? I certainly did. By the way, Richard and I never quite hit it off. 4^th grade just had too much to offer for me to be tied down to a boy… and I think he thought I had cooties.

I had originally planned on adding a few comical entries from my 7^th and 8^th grade journals too, but it’s just not as funny without my colorful color coated handwriting and doodles on the side.

The moral of these journals is this: I like to journal and have been pondering life for the sake of pondering since I was, well, in 4^th grade I suppose.

So what I am I ditching from my past life? The rainbow pen, that’s for sure… and the tendency to get lost in my own thoughts for hours. Instead of journaling or blogging about my thoughts or what I WANT to do, I’m just going to DO things, and then comment on my activities…not just my thoughts about doing things. I think this will be easier to do when I have more going on in my life than just folding and placing clothes in a must-be-less-than-50-lb-bag.

On that same note though, I am going to take with my propensity to document. While it will be a switch from life thoughts, to life activities.  You, my dear blogging audience (if you’re still here) must hold me to this. From hence forth my blogging will be filled with life and substance. Let’s shake on it.

Eye contact, firm grip, head nod…great talk. See you out there.